Being told many times that you are ugly is not a good experience, my self I am not graced with the best genetics, I know how it feels, there is so much I want to say about this that might change the way you see yourself.
Feeling bad and drowning in the things you can’t change is not ideal. For most of us, the expression “you are your own worst enemy” holds a lot of truth. Much of what limits us in life is our own feeling of unworthiness and less appreciation of ourselves. And we tend to drown in it that it eats us up as well as our confidence.
If this is something you can’t change, you might as well live with it and learn to see the better side of you, there are ways you can pride yourself. Nobody chose how they look, it is important that you love yourself, appreciate yourself.
Let’s take a journey together to solve all those dissatisfaction and ugliness feelings.
1. Accept yourself and your looks
Don’t get the first step wrong, I don’t mean accepting that you are ugly but accepting how you look. This will mean that you don’t act the victim or look down on yourself when with other people whom you think are beautiful, this will help you focus and spend your time on the things that you can control rather than worrying about it, it’s wasted energy in my opinion.
You don’t resent your parents for how you look, it is important to note that you are not the only one who feels this way and I believe this is a feeling you want to get rid of that’s why you are here. You can choose now to not be among those that drown and worry so much about their looks, accept how they look, and rather try to compliment their looks with other things that can get them appreciated.
If you drown in this, it becomes your attention and becomes important than other things you are not paying attention to, you lose your confidence and can’t walk tall, with so many questions in your mind as to how you look or how people see you. This is called attentional bias in Philosophy.
Self-acceptance will improve your confidence because you don’t worry anymore rather try to make the most of your situation, and as you know, Self-confidence is attractive and to me is a part of beauty.
2. Don’t overwork yourself to meet social expectations.
Study shows that people who appreciate their looks tend to care less about what they need to do to be appreciated by others and don’t tend to try hard to live up to social expectations.
Excessive social media has a lot of disadvantages, it causes dissatisfaction and loneliness.
The pictures you see sometimes are full of an artificial makeover and camera quality.
C.S Lewis once said “comparison is the thief of joy” A lot of times when we compare ourselves with the people we see on screen, we tend to underlook and undervalue ourselves, which is very bad.
All of us are unique in our way. We need to appreciate ourselves first before anyone else does.
Those social media celebrities we see online, no matter how attractive they look, still have a flaw in one way or the other.
2- Don’t do anything for the sake of acceptance
We are in a society where people value physical appearance and make us see flaws in our appearance.
Maybe you worry that:
- the reason you are not popular in school is your physical appearance
- or maybe body size
- or we are too ugly to attract a romantic partner.
Understand that, even though physical appearance matters sometimes, but the most important thing is inner beauty.
It’s not everybody that cares about physical appearance. That romantic partner that you are looking for might value good character and soul more than physical appearance.
3- Adopt the self-compassion method
- see yourself as a unique human being
- respect all your boundaries
- have control over your emotions
- avoid comparison.
A lot of movies that we watch show that altering changes in your appearance might earn you respect and acceptance, that is true but to achieve that you need to impose self-love and confidence first.
4- Adopt a neutral mindset
Adopting a neutral mindset is not easy, but with proper guidelines, you can achieve it.
- communicate with your body by acknowledging how well your body functions.
- communicate with others without judging their appearance
- you will do workouts, not to achieve a body shape rather for health, happiness, and body balance e.g swimming, roller skating, and dance classes.
5- A few changes are not bad
Understandably, it’s not bad to want to look modernized and stylish.
Nowadays you don’t need to spend money to look good, you can achieve that at the comfort of your house with a lot of homemade skincare recipes that can give you similar or the same result that those expensive products will give you.
These simple changes can increase your confidence. But make sure you are doing all these for yourself not as of result public discrimination.
6- Seek support
A Lot of time we feel we can’t take the negativity anymore, and this can lead to some health issues like:
- Body dysmorphic disorder ( a situation whereby the flaw is little or imagination but you take ours to fix it)
- Eating disorders
When this happens, seek help from a therapist. They will help you overcome the burden and also encourage you.
Feeling ugly is a normal occurrence among people. But learning how to adopt self-compassion, reducing society’s burden and expectations, social media influence, adopting body neutrality, and seeking help when things are getting out of hand will help you to have that appreciation and confidence towards your appearance.